Oh Patrick Dempsey...

At home watching Grey's Anatomy and Project Runway and slowly melting in the heat.

If anything, having these last couple of weeks essentially by myself in the apartment has given me some time - quite possibly for the first time in my life - to actually be by myself, enjoy being by myself, and learn how to be alone without being lonely. I had five brothers at home and people in and out of the house all the time, then there were the dorms and then apartments with roommates, so actually having a chance to do this has been quite a blessing.

I need to learn how to relax. Not how to sit on the sofa watching t.v. - Lord knows I know how to do that - but to actually release the tension from my body and allow my mind to turn off from its constant working and reworking and planning and anticipating. I'm never "just" watching t.v.; my brain is in overdrive while I have something to focus on viscerally.

God it's been a good year here. I'm gonna miss this apartment and all the fabulousness that's gone with it. It's been quite up and down with work and personal stuff, but that aside, I've loved every minute. I'll leave a farewell to arms post for later.

Tony, Silver and Phil are writing my letters of rec (awesome professors for the win), and then I can mail off the internship apps. I've written the cover letter already, so I'm all set once I get the letters. Today I mailed a few more acting submissions (wrote cover letters for those too), so we'll see how that goes, and then the letters can also go to any MFA applications I need. I'm keeping the MFA thing as open as I can. I'm not entirely certain I want to jump into a grad program next September but by applying I can at least have the option.

The homesickness is getting really bad. I think about it all the time and to some extent it's always in the back of my mind. If I want to be with my family I need to be in England; if I want a career in the theatre then for now I need to be here. Some days I'm ready to jump on the first plane back to LHR; other times I know in my gut that if I do it now I'll never get the start in theatre that I could have here. I feel that I at least need to give it a shot and throw myself into it here.

I NEED A ROOMMATE. OH GOD. Deep breaths and a little faith in Jesus.

-K